Christmass and New Year.

Christmass was wonderful!  I got to travel south to Jacksonville and visit with the family.  So many wonderful memories!  The kids all seem to be doing great.

I suppose I should not call them kids anymore as they are all older now.  I still see the kids in them though.

And I get to embarrass them now and then.  How cool it that?   

Jennifer (The nurse) always loving and kind.

Donald (The Rocket Scientist) truly one of the most brilliant men I've ever known.

Eve (The Librarian) The quiet and loving one.  She doesn't say a whole lot, but I always see it in her eyes.

Patricia (The Trouble Maker) She's the one that shakes things up and keeps everyone else on their toes.  She's turning into the most amazing woman.

I won't play favorite's as I can't.  They are all my favorites.  Each in their own way has touched and touches my life and being.

We talked, we sang, we ate, we listened, we told stories.  We went on a hay ride for the Luminaries and shot each other with marsh mellow guns and threw candy at each other and everyone else in sight.

And mostly we laughed a lot!  Seems I don't do a lot of laughing except when I'm home.

I will do so soon enough though as I plan to move there in the next few months. 

Seems to me there are things I should be doing there that I can't do here.  Not sure how to explain that one.  But it is what it is.  God talks, I do my best to listen.

I asked one of my sister's in law about things and was told "you already know".  She's right.  It's been in my mind for a couple of years now actually.  Now the time has come.

Thanks Terri!  HUGS

She's most likely now hiding her face, flipping me the bird and cursing my name under her breath.

I love you anyway Terri.

Closing for now as it's my beloved's birthday and I want to call or write to remind her that I love her.

All things are as they should be.  Always!  This is God's plan for us.

John.

We live and move and have our being in God.

A thought I had today which I added to my journal and I figured since I've not been here in a bit it would be good to pass it along.

I know I've not posted a lot and been rather sporadic when I do post.  Sorry folks.  I think of it sometimes.  Mostly when I'm not home and can't.  But things always seem to be going on.

Did you buy that?  Huh?  Huh?

Ok, the truth.  I really just don't think all that much. :)

Ok, the thought.

The next world is much like this one.  According to the documentation.  We will have new bodies so the world there will be at least a bit like this one.  Difference being in our own perceptions.  But I think perhaps we'll feel the same things, make the same sorts of choices.  (The big ones I mean, not which sort of cheese to buy.)  We'll still have the ability to be angry, sad, loving, etc. 

The difference being, as Paul wrote.  Now I see through the glass darkly, then in light. 

Here we suspect and sometimes see or experiance things that bring us a wee bit closer to seeing.  After our transition, we will not suspect.  We'll know!

When we know we'll never doubt ourselves or God or God's plan. Now I see though the glass darkly.  Here, God surrounds us always.  Water to a fish, but we often don't see or realize how close he is. 

Then we will see in light!  Then I'll have choice yet no reasonalbe choice not to love.  For I'll see that nothing else is real.  All anger, while possible will be seen for what it is.  Always counter productive to my own well being. 

All evny a silly idea, knowing we are one with God and one another.  All the odd things we feel now will be seen as the shadows that they are.

Then we shall see in light and this will be the darkness on the other side of the glass.  Though I rather doubt we'll have a lot a will to look back though the glass.

Here it is a lesson. That sometimes we see it as a test.  Yet it seems to me it's a natural process going from one to the other. 

I wonder how close we can get here with all the distractions we face each day?  Not sure, but I'm going to keep trying and see what I can come up with.

Just my thoughts.

John.

Salvation

What will save me?  What is it to be "safe"?

Once I have the job, the promotion, the savings, the man or woman I need, once I have graduated, once I'm married, once I'm retired and on and on and on.

If.  If I'd married him/her, if I'd taken that job not this one, if I'd gotten that promotion, if I had the savings, etc.

Where is my salvation?  It's not in the past.  Not in the future.  Not in other people.  Not in the world as we generally see it. 

Maybe in our choice then?  Maybe God put our salvation in us.  In knowing that he is with us always and is the one and only constant in life. 

I don't think God would put the cure for the illness outside of where the healing needs to be done.  He'd not offer a hungery child a stone.  Nor poison to a sick man.

He put our salvation in our hands, in our thoughts, in our choices. 

He's closer than we think.  We live and move and have our being in God.  The absence of God would be Hell. 

Yet since we do live and move and have our being in him.  How would we know in these body/mind sets what the absence of God would feel like?

Maybe like the light going out and then trying to deal with our own thoughts in the dark? 

The dark not as the blind have.  But more dark.  No sight, no sound, no smell, no touch, no imagination.  I don't think any of these could compare. 

The the dark of God not being with us, even if we don't recongnize him.

There lies true death.

Just my wondering thoughts as aways.

John.

Lesson 71

Some of the lessons I follow in the ACIM

 

Lesson 71

Only God's plan for salvation will work.

You may not realize that the ego has set up a plan for salvation in opposition to God's. It is this plan in which you believe. Since it is the opposite of God's, you also believe that to accept God's plan in place of the ego's is to be damned. This sounds preposterous, of course. Yet after we have considered just what the ego's plan is, perhaps you will realize that, however preposterous it may be, you do believe in it.
The ego's plan for salvation centers around holding grievances. It maintains that, if someone else spoke or acted differently, if some external circumstance or event were changed, you would be saved. Thus, the source of salvation is constantly perceived as outside yourself. Each grievance you hold is a declaration, and an assertion in which you believe, that says, "If this were different, I would be saved." The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.
The role assigned to your own mind in this plan, then, is simply to determine what, other than itself, must change if you are to be saved. According to this insane plan, any perceived source of salvation is acceptable provided that it will not work. This ensures that the fruitless search will continue, for the illusion persists that, although this hope has always failed, there is still grounds for hope in other places and in other things. Another person will yet serve better; another situation will yet offer success.
Such is the ego's plan for your salvation. Surely you can see how it is in strict accord with the ego's basic doctrine, "Seek but do not find." For what could more surely guarantee that you will not find salvation than to channelize all your efforts in searching for it where it is not?
God's plan for salvation works simply because, by following His direction, you seek for salvation where it is. But if you are to succeed, as God promises you will, you must be willing to seek there only. Otherwise, your purpose is divided and you will attempt to follow two plans for salvation that are diametrically opposed in all ways. The result can only bring confusion, misery and a deep sense of failure and despair.
How can you escape all this? Very simply. The idea for today is the answer. Only God's plan for salvation will work. There can be no real conflict about this, because there is no possible alternative to God's plan that will save you. His is the only plan that is certain in its outcome. His is the only plan that must succeed.
Let us practice recognizing this certainty today. And let us rejoice that there is an answer to what seems to be a conflict with no resolution possible. All things are possible to God. Salvation must be yours because of His plan, which cannot fail.
Begin the two longer practice periods for today by thinking about today's idea, and realizing that it contains two parts, each making equal contribution to the whole. God's plan for your salvation will work, and other plans will not. Do not allow yourself to become depressed or angry at the second part; it is inherent in the first. And in the first is your full release from all your own insane attempts and mad proposals to free yourself. They have led to depression and anger; but God's plan will succeed. It will lead to release and joy.
Remembering this, let us devote the remainder of the extended practice periods to asking God to reveal His plan to us. Ask Him very specifically:

What would You have me do?
Where would You have me go?
What would You have me say, and to whom?

Give Him full charge of the rest of the practice period, and let Him tell you what needs to be done by you in His plan for your salvation. He will answer in proportion to your willingness to hear His Voice. Refuse not to hear. The very fact that you are doing the exercises proves that you have some willingness to listen. This is enough to establish your claim to God's answer.
In the shorter practice periods, tell yourself often that God's plan for salvation, and only His, will work. Be alert to all temptation to hold grievances today, and respond to them with this form of today's idea:

Holding grievances is the opposite of God's plan
for salvation. And only His plan will work.

Try to remember today's idea some six or seven times an hour. There could be no better way to spend a half minute or less than to remember the Source of your salvation, and to see It where It is.



From John: When I'm feeling the spirit, when I'm in the "zone", when it feels just right.  These words mean so much to me....

When I'm not...LOL "How the hell am I going to pay that damed gas bill?"  "Is Fred going to keep "being good ?"  "Will they lay me off from work?"  "Why didn't she smile back at me today?"

What he said, what she said, what they thought, why am I, why am I not.

So many things we confuse ourselves with.  When all we've need to remember is what is real, what is concreate.  What does not change in our world of change.

Holding grievances is the opposite of God's plan 

And my Plan as well I think.  To seperate myslef from my grievances (I.E. My petty thoughts of self importance).  I must let go the world, all of it.  And then let the Holy Spirit refill and renew my the vessel of my mind.

Then, I get just a wee bit closer to understanding.  ACIM tells me I'm the salvation of the world.  LOL  If this is true the world is in deep, deep trouble. 

But, perhaps I may well save a piece of the world and therefore spread the lagesee of that to others who will do the same.

As always, just my thoughts.

John.

Jail Time

I'm just sort of wondering what would happen to folks in prison for serious crimes if the law was altered.

If one person is harmed inside the walls of the prison, then all within are held equally guilty of the crime.

Aside from psychopaths, I can't see how this would not be able to improve their lives within.  Work together or suffer the same fate as the next guy.

Just a thought.  I've been watching NCIS if you can't tell. :)

Not exactly a spiritual thought I know.  But it's what's in my mind at the moment. 

John.

Creation

In meditating today I came to a new thought.  Didn't much like it at first as it contradicts one of my older thoughts and we do humans have never been big supporters of change. 

But I looked and looked at it and could not find a way to refute it. 

I've thought for years that we are creators created in the image of God who is our creator.  I was wro...wrou...

You know that word the means not Right!  Ok. I can say it.  Just give me a moment. 

I ...was....wrong. 

There!  I've said it and we shall never speak of this again. LOL

So anyway, it came to me that God created and it was One creation.  The creation encompassed all things in all times in all ways.

What we do is not to create, but to see, to glimpse or maybe just perceive different parts of his creation at what are for us different times.  I guess it's like the string theory the scientists tells us about.  Multiple universes and the like.

When we pray in faith we can see things differently, different outcomes which we sometimes see as amazing or even divine.  Which they are.

But it's not God's creation that has changed, but our seeing of his creation that has expanded.

God and his creation is perfect, complete, whole and holy.  Our perception is not.  When we see something different we think it's a WOW moment.  It is, but only for us.  God and his creation have not changed.  We have changed to enable us to see more of what is really there in the light that God created.

Ok, done popping off.

Just my thoughts.

Easter

Easter has always been a bit confusing to me as for most folks it seems more a celebration of the crucifixion of Christ than of the resurrection.  Died for our sins.  Yes indeed.  But he did so much more than that.

For me it's always been about the resurrection and the ascension than anything else.  We always see the cross on christian things.  Bibles and Churches and necklaces and rings and what not.

What symbol do we have for the resurrection?

I myself wear a ring with a cross on it all the time.  A hollow cross that reminds me that the cross is an empty thing and a doorway to other things.

I think Christ did not come to show us how to die, but how to live and live well.  To remind us that we are not of this earth, just passing through it via the body.  He showed us, right up personal and direct that there is no death. 

"Fear not"  What a great lesson!  Which we have a great tendancy to ignore whenever possible.  Most of us spend our lives fearing everything and in so doing show our lack of faith.  We worry over the job, the relationship, retirement, the kids, the boss, the car, what does he or she think of me.  And on and on.

We are to bring All things to God in prayer.  And then leave them there!


Fear not.  A simple lesson that takes all of our attention to actually learn to do.  Must be why we were also told to keep our minds stayed on God and to pray constantly. 

Bodies do not have souls.  They are simply vessels for souls.


We are the children of the living God.  Not just bodies.  Souls using bodies to interact with other souls also using bodies.

We call him the Messiah, the Teacher.  And that's just what he did.  We so very often seem to miss the lessons though.  At least I know I do.

And where the hell did that damned bunny come in?  Eggs?  Candy? 

We really do come up with some rather bizarre ideas we do.

Incidentally if you've never had it.  Fried rabbit is great!  It really does taste just like chicken.

Just my thoughts.

John.

How we think is how we live.

Recently I got a short pay check.  Too short for me to pay my rent on my time.  I always pay on the 15th or there about when it's not due till the last day of the month. 

Just a habit I've picked up as a cushion.  Well.  It didn't work this time around, so I'll be eating bread and cheese for a while till I get things back on track.

I prayed.  "There is always more than enough, I know this is true, as it has always been true.  The Father will not give a stone to a child who asks bread."

Next day, there it was.  A check from some Government agency I've never heard of for 410$ andsome change.

And I can pay the rent on my time once again. :)

Coincidence?  I don't think so!

Create well this day my friends.

John.

AARP on the move

Wow!  I got a letter form AARP today asking me to join up. 

Geez, I'm only 49 years old!  They want me half in the grave already. 

What they think life ends at 50?  My Dad is 70 something I think, and still going strong. 

While I'm ready to leave this world, and at times more than ready to do so.  It's not due to my age.

I'll go when I'm damned good and ready! 

Silly people!  I'm going to live forever.  This is God's word to me.  Now where I choose to live...that is up to me.

Be well all,

Create as if there is no tomorrow, because there's not one.

John.

How strange this life is

Today I've been reading blogs from my family and friends and am seeing a theam going on.

Prayer.  What does it do?  What does it accomplish?  Why bother with it?

These are my thoughts on the matter.

Prayer is not the speaking of the words "Thank you father for this food" is not a prayer unless you actually mean it.  Prayer is a feeling, a purpose, a commune with God.  A time of talking with God within and without.  For he is in our inside lives as well as our outside lives.

The Bible tells us to pray constantly and what better way to spend a life than to do just that?

I of course don't, or I'd most likely have moved on from this place before.

So...I give it a shot now and again.  But I'm lazy and the Father is patience.

What to say?  In your mind, see things as you would have them be for Yourself!  Doing so for others is a chancy thing as they are praying also and you don't know for what.

No matter what they say out loud you won't know their heart.  That's God's job.  And people lie.  Even to themselves.

Life is a prayer.  How we live is how we pray.  Seems a lot of folks don't believe that.  Yet how else would God be always in our lives, in our heads and with us always?

When it's all done and done and your at your lowest.  Is that not when God steps up and takes care of things?

He has for me at least.

And so often it's not an external thing that changes.  It's inside me, the way I see something, the way I do something, the way I think of something.  Behold!  There is God.

Again and again.  And I have to wonder if the worries of the world come to me or do I attract them to me.

If I can do that, I can be rid of them as easily.

God created us to be creators.  Don't settle for being small.  Be large!  Truly live as if there's no tomorrow.

Heck from what folks tell me the world will end in 2012.  According to the Aztec calendar.

Personally I wonder if the Aztecs just figured that they had done enough and let future generations do their own math.

Be well all and know you are loved.

Create a great day.

John.

How we reach out to God

I was just thinking about a church service attended a few weeks ago.  I'm not a regular goer by any means,

but this place I'll return to.

Folks talk a lot about true faith and the "real" path to God.  These folks seem to truly be trying to get there.

It's a very small church.  Maybe 30 folks or so in total.

In mid service one younger christian stated that we got to the path to God through work.  It's that sort of congregation that impresses me.  The congregation can and does ask questions, the the preachers/ priests/ whatever you choose to call them.   Answer them.  Pretty much a Q and A session each time. 

I love that!

If you can't ask others questions about God in church or ask God in church then what use it is?  Why bother?  Taking someone else s  view of God and just accepting it is rather silly to my mind.  Need to find out for ourselves.

At any rate.  This fellow had stated that we get to God via work.  He was stopped immediately and advised that God comes to us through Grace and not work.  So very true.

There is not one thing in the world we can do to bribe God with our works or our money or our promises to do this or that.

He gives, we receive and that's all there is to it.  We tend not to like this one wee bit.  We have that desire to give and get.  Even the people in the lowest positions in life believe that all is give and take.

Yet...we are not God.  The rules and different when dealing with God than with man.

We are not God, we are the children of God that are still in training to join him back home.

All that comes to us is a blessing of God.  If we know it or not.

We live in grace and we end this world in grace.  It's all his giving and none of what we do.

What we do have a need to learn is how to accept that grace.  Blessings come and we tend to ignore them or discount them.  Thus we place ourselves in our own mind further from God.  We talk about coincidences, or things that "just happen".  They don't.  We create within God. And by his grace we create all that is in our lives.

It is never our work that brings us blessings.  But God's love that does so constantly.

I don't need to work for God.  He is water to me.  My environment.  My life.  No need to seek him out, just accept that he is here with me always.

A note of wisdom.

This is a note I received from my beloved sister Jen today.  Words of wisdom and strength.  She has much of both.

 

 

Everyday you are born anew!!!!!!

 

While cleaning out my email, I ran across this list of guidelines for 2010 that a friend emailed me. If we take the time to follow them, I think we'll all enjoy life just a little bit more this year. 

Ann

 

HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1.       Drink plenty of water.
2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a beggar.
3..       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4.       Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5.       Make time to pray.
6.       Play more games.
7.       Read more books than you did in 2009.
8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9.       Sleep for 7 hours.
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11.    Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12.    Don't have negative thoughts on things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13.    Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously - no one else does.
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake.
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner about his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...
Society:
25.    Call your family often.
26.    Each day give something good to others.
27.    Forgive everyone for everything...
28.    Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of  6.
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business.
31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32.    Do the right thing!
33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34.    GOD heals everything.
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37.    The best is yet to come.
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39.    Your inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:
40.    Please forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.    

 

_________________________________________________

 

 

 

Snow Daze

The snow finally stopped about 3:30 today.  We've got a lot extra if anyone would like some?  That would definately be a come and get it yourself sort of thing.  You can start at the front of my truck and keep taking it till we hit the plowed path in the parking lot. :)

 

This was about 12 noon today.

  

This was taken after dark.  Note the way it's changed?  That is from the heat from the building melting some of it off.  Snow only comes in cold weather and is a cold substance.  But oddly enough when there is enough of it.  It acts like an insulator.  Thus igloos are what they are.

 

  

  

  

The front walk.

 

Those lumps you see out there are cars.

 

This is our walk way that was already shoveled out once. :)

 

The left side of my truck.  Umm...about 8 inches on the side there I think.

 

  

Stomping my way out to the door to get to the truck.

I do believe we may be snowed in for a day or two.  Depends on how lazy I feel about going out there with a shovel to dig out.  

I was able to get a shovel at least.  It's this oddly small thing that's only about 3 feel long.  But that's what I could find.  Between that and the entrenching tool I have from the service it will have to do.  

All of the stores are sold out of snow shovels   Oddly enough they still have pleanty of garden shovels and the like.

Amazing what we create.  I feel a bit like one of the characters in a book I read last year.  "Who ordered this?"   Was his line.  

Please don't anyone think this is the way MD always is.  Normally we get Maybe 3 to 4 inches of snow a year and it melts off the same day.  This year the winter has been a bit much for snow.  Minds me a bit of ND when I was stationed there.  We've had 2 major storms and supposedly more to come before winter is done.

Well, what I consider major storms anyway.

I'd love to just sit here, take a leave day on Monday and let the sun melt it off.  But....unless we get some sort of sun flare or global warming really kicks in I'll still be digging out 2 or 3 feet of snow to get my truck out. :)

On the up side.  I'll have the chance to talk more with my neighbors.  The last big storm we had a lot of fellows and even some of the ladies were out helping each other with the digging out.  One fellow I spoke with was just a pleasure to meet an older black gent who simply said "this is our neighborhood".   As he started in on the snow in front of my truck.  It was no grand pronouncement.  Just a simple statement on his part.  I am truly and deeply blessed.

I hear they've called out the national guard for the state.  Seems odd to me as it's really not what I'd consider all that bad.  But I'm not an EMT who has to deal with someone with a heart attack or a house fire either.  So I'll trust the folks who know to do what they do.

I'm sure my Dad would know a good bit about that as he's taken classes for emergency reaction and even wrote a book about the Jacksonville Fire Dept and the history there of.

Be well all.

For we live and move....

King James Bible
For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.

And we are a part of him and he is part of us.  We are not seperate beings but one being.  One and whole in and of ourselves and himself.

No, we are not God.  Nor is God us.  But we are all a part of the same thing, and cannot be seperated but in our own minds.  His mind is constant, ours tends to wander about. 

We are the children of God.  His creations.  And we are a part of him, and he of us.  But the knowledge, all the real knowledge is with him via Christ.  Christ is not God, but our conduit to God.  Our older brother.  Our teacher, our confidont and friend.

Just thoughts.

The cat in the paper box

I was thinking about the cat in the paper box today.  How I dreged up that memory I've no idea. 

Year ago there were dot matrix printers and these arcaich machines used what was called fan folded paper and feed through the printer either via pressure rollers or by track feeders.  If you've no idea what I'm talking about it's ok.  Just read on.

Fred (brother) had a worry one day.  His printer refused to print!  It printed fine in the morning, but now, around 3 pm it wouldn't do anything.  No error lights on the front panel, ink ribbon had recently been changed, the strangest thing was that the paper would move only slightly when told to print something.

We looked at it and thought about it for a bit.  Replaced the drivers, replaced the ribbon, checked the feed path.  Nothing!  Everything was in order.  No reason in the world this bloody damned thing shouldn't be printing.  Yes, we'd got to cussing at that point. 

We must have worked on that silly printer for over 3 hours trying to figure out what the problem could possibly be. 

Then all became clear with a slight sound of movement and the appearance of a cat's head coming out of the the paper box yawning. 

Apparently, we'd disturbed the beast in it's slumber with our tugging on the paper to see why it wouldn't feed up to the printer.

We were relieved, mortified, angry and feeling very, very foolish about the whole deal.

After thinking about this story from my distant past it occured to me that we do a lot of that in our lives. 

Something that has worked for us before suddenly stops working.  We of course want to fix it and know what happened!  We look all over the place for the answers and get more and more frustrated with things the more we try. 

This can throw us all out of whack with things.  We look and look and then even start blaming others.  What a piece of junk!  Who sells this thing?  There ought to be a law I tell ya!  Damned corperations!  Who can I shoot?  And on and on.

All that anger is actually coming from our fears.  Yet we look at those last of all.  Did I connect that cable right?  Maybe in the last 3 things we tried I forgot something.  Did I get a virus?  Did I download something bad?  Is God punishing me? 

There are times.  Many times!  We need to just relax, realize there is not one thing I can do about this just now.  And leave it alone!  Give it time and see what comes up.  I know that's hard to do.  When we see a problem or what we think is a problem it is common to want to fix it.

I'd guess a good bit of the time we need only ask for God and then do nothing and then leave it alone.  Allow God to do his thing and fix it for us. 

You may think that dealing with a cat in a paper box is something too small to concern God.  Yet the more we tried to fix it ourselves the worse we made things for ourselves.  More anger, more fustration, more angst over nothing.

But we are spiritual beings temporarily here in the physical world.  We're just passing though and learning what we need to in order to grow up one day.



That being the case, why would God be too small or have anything beneath his mighty dignity to resolve for us?  He sent his son to be degraded, mocked, tortured and killed.  So...what's beneath God?  A printer problem?  I think not.

He helps us (when we let him) to deal with the real Lessons, not the world.  We need to learn the real things from the false and let the world go with God and his will.  Pick up the lesson and leave the rest.  It doesn't matter.

Only the soul matters in the end.

And if you happen to be one of the few folks who still has a dot matrix printer and it suddenly stops working.  Be sure to check the paper box for cats or the like.  :)

Be well.

Wow!

Sorry it's been a couple of days.  I really wanted to make this a daily thing for myself.  Today is not the last day of the week though I rather wish it were.  Visited lots of sites this week, had to leave 3 of them at different times for good old VITA "emergencies".  Well, that's what folks call them anyway.  Mostly I think a lot of folks are just being a bit nervous from the extra pressure. 

I'm not sure I understand it really.  VITA comes about every year and there always seems to be the same reaction to it.  Oh yes, VITA is a free to the public tax program that is government supported.  Any one under a 49 thousand income limit can come and get their simple taxes done for free.  All that means that I can tell is that folks with midlin income can get help but not folks with stocks, bonds etc. 

I always use the EZ form myself and have no worries with it.  But then, I don't tend to worry over a lot of things most of the time.  Maybe I should, but I just don't seem to have the interest to do so.  Lazy bugger I am. :)

All of this minds me of fears.  Fear of the government, Fear of not doing the right thing, Fear of unknowingly doing the wrong thing, Fear of loss or disappointment   Etc, etc.

Wow!  We've got a lot of fears. 

I can understand fear, I have a fear of heights.  But these other fears seem different to me.  They are mostly made up of illusions.  We fear things that haven't happened, only that May happen.  We borrow worries from nothing and make them important to us.  We make a lot of drama for ourselves is the way I see it. 

Yet we all know better.  When we were kids and got one of our spankings at one point or another I'm sure we were all told "don't cry till you've been hit".  And if you've never been spanked than you have my deepest sympathy and concern. 

All the little things we learned as kids still apply.  How could they not?  If I needed to know it when I was 3 then I need to know it now.  How can the basic wisdom's change? 

It's not them that change, but us.  We grow up learning how to fear, and often what to fear.  But then, we seldom seem to learn when a fear is real and when it's just the Monster in the closet. 

Seems to me most of our fears fall into the category of Monster in the closet.  Not oh my God, I might fall off of this thing and break my fool neck!

Maybe this is why most men leads lives of quite desperation?

Just more of my rambling thoughts.

Be well.

Well, it's not that tomorrow. But I still have some thoughts.

God is love I hear folks say.  Yes, I think he is.  We in our true form are just as he is when we drop away the sillyness we've created.  Why do we create the silliness?  Fear I think.

Someone famous once wrote that most men lead lives of quite desperation.  That rings true to me.  But we have no need to do so.  If our God is a God of love, then why in the world would we be driven to anything like desperation? 

God created us in his image...his image.  A creative being that created us would have made us like himself...so...we create as he does.  This makes sense to me.

Why did God create us?  I thought for a long time that perhaps for all of her perfection that we were created/are created from a lonelness.  That God created us to in time grow up and be with him so he could be with us.

Now I'm wondering...Maybe it's simply in the nature of God to create.  If so, how could he not create?  And if he creates then we must do so also.

I think that we must create just as God does.  Though it seems rather obvious that we do not realize and seldom appreciate our creations.  We make our lives, but many of us don't like our lives or at least aspects of them. 

But if we create......no reason we can't change our creations either.  So...how to use this?

Prayer.  Meditation.  Possibilities becoming probabilities and then actualities.  This I learned from meditation.  As the Bible tells us.  Pray as if what you pray for already is and believe.  That is paraphrased of course.

Leave the mind that is filled with the inner voices of fear and doubt and "I can't".  When the few times I've moved beyond that I've found that I can find my Soul. 

I was a glorified security garud.  And moved into computers.  Not what one would find a so called natural transition eh?  How?  Prayer and meditation.  I wanted it, I thought about it (all the time).  I also had to do a bit of study.  But I'm not certified in anything with computers.  And lots the world thought says you can't be in computers without either a degree or a certification.

Then I prayed about it, often!  I meditated and visualized it (another subject).  I prayed seeing my prayer already answered and with the salery I desired at the time.  It became real for me in time...yes, it did take a bit, and I had more learning to do.  But it did work!

As near as I can tell Prayer always does work.  But we have to modify our thinking to allow what we wish in order for it to work. Or maybe not our thinking...our soul?  Our mind?  Not sure on that, but something changes in us.

Our life is a prayer.  It's a way of being and living that creates our lives.  And this we can always change.

For instance.  We ask faithfully on Sunday for Ice Cream.  But all week long we Want ice cream and do nothing about it.  Now we blame God for not giving us Ice Cream?  We say in our minds I don't deserve it, we say to ourselves we are not worthy of it, we say it's not possible.

So what is God thinking?  "Ok!  Ice Cream it is.....er...ok...not?  You don't want it then?  Ummm...you seem a bit confused my child.  I'll wait till you make up your mind."

We, or at least I, was taught that prayer was just something you did on Sundays or when you were in seriously  deep shit. 

God was not someone you asked questions of or questioned at all.  So you prayed only to thank him for...well...something.  Even if life was sucking for you at the time your were still supposed to pray and thank him.  Maybe that's one of the reason's I started getting pissed off.  How can you thank someone who's done nothing for you?  And then do so on a regular basis?  Human nature does not allow for such an attitude.

Ok..back to prayer.  I've found a few things that seem to work.

1) do it in faith!  Believe that your prayer will be answered. (see the possibility)

2) Really BELIEVE it.  See it as a possibility in your own mind.  No matter how far off it seems, do it! (See the probability of it)

3) Thank God for it!  Really!  Since you've already created it in your mind and know it is a reality not seen yet, why would you not be thankful for it's fulfillment?  (Be thankful.)


And do it again and again and again until it is in your life.

You can do it with small things as well.  Finding a place to park for instance, (see it, know it's there awaiting you.)  Do it.  It will be waiting for you to be there.

I say "do it" a lot it seems.  Maybe I'm thinking like the short green dude Yoda. 

"Do not try, do, or do not, there is no try."

Be well.

Who is this God fellow folks talk about? Cont

So, I was pissed at God.  Mostly likely blasphemous or at the least heretical.  But we feel what we feel when we're being honest about things.

Seems at various times in my life I've been pissed at God, cussed him out.  Even called him out.  Though what I'd do if he were to take up the gauntlet I have no idea.  I've actually found the freedom to be angry with God quite a balm for things.  I found that it's ok to do so.  I'm not certain he understands anger in the way we do and it surely never seems of have bothered him in the least.  So?  Who better to vent at than someone who doesn't get offended is always patient and who doesn't get drawn into your own little dramas? 

He's certainly big enough to take it.

 As I grew up I found that it was quite helpful and in my own albeit strange way as it was something that connected me to God. 

You don't get made at a rock.  It's just a rock.  You only can get a really good mad on at a person.  So I discovered that God was a person.  A person I could talk to.  So after a time instead of blaming him I just started talking to him (I have no idea what actual sex God is.  I rather think God does not have a sex as a human would think of it.  But it's easier to call God a him from my internal referance points.)

The more I talked to God the more interested I became in how we talk to God.  I figured there had to be a better way than yelling at the sky. 

Then I moved to FL when I was 15/16 or so from MD where I lived with my Mother and Brother.  I moved down to live in my Father's house and with his family.  I quickly saw some things that changed the very basis for my earlier mistaken anger with God. 

I saw a man who was happy, truly and abidingly happy with his life, his wife and his family.  He'd married a wonderful woman Virginia or Ginny as he most often calls her.  I seldom knew just what to say to her.  It was so very obvious that she made my Dad happy and he made her happy.  But what was I to her or her to me?  What where we supposed to be to one another?  I had no idea?  Mom?  Mom II?  Mom Alt?  Virginia?  Not Ginny!  That would have been a bit too weird for me.  Mostly I avoided calling her by name when possible.  Years later I settled on Mom.  I think it only took me about another 20 years to come up with that bit of brilliance.

And I could see they were fitted for one another.  Their children also were amazing to me.  They were all well loved, well cared for and happy. 


So...then I had to get to thinking again.  Why didn't God bring my Father back?  It dawned on me that maybe some of the other things I'd heard about God were true and not just the big spy who was lurking in the bushes waiting to judge me and send me to hell. 

Could it be?  There surely looked like there was some sort of plan involved here.  Some bigger picture that I'd not seen before?  Was that possible?  Could God be that smart? 

I don't know....I was a Teenager after all, not some kid!  LOL

I eventually concluded that there had to be a plan involved here that I'd just not seen.  I choose to leave it at that.  Because obviously it should have been cleared with Me first.  But I'd be magnanimous and let God slide this time.

Now I had more information to process.  God is a person and makes plans (very big long term plans.)  So, what to do with this information?  Study him and his ways I decided.  Find out just how and where this person would fit into my life.  

More meandering thoughts tomorrow.

Be well.

Who is this God fellow folks talk about?

I wondered that for a long time.  He or It is all knowing, all seeing, always present.  And I'm told he'll send me into the pit if I don't do what he wants.


Sort of sounds like Santa Clause without the cheerful disposition doesn't he? 

Now why is he spying on me?  Watching everything I do, even invading my thoughts!  And he's everywhere so I have no possibility of evasion or escape from him.  And then, after all this spying he’s going to judge me and send me to hell?

Geez!  What a grouch!  I’ve never done a thing to him!  Or have I?

I’m told that “We” the collective we of mankind sort of beat the living hell out of his son and then strung him out to dry like a piece of beef jerky.  But as I recall he won that round as well.  Christ rose from the dead and then got a free ride into the sky and home.

I can’t say I’ve ever felt particularly guilty over the whole thing in any sort of personal way.  So why all this spying and judgment and sending me to hell?  That, I’d have to say I do rather take a bit personally. 

Oh, I see I forgot one of the ALLS up top there.  He’s All powerful as well.  What sort of a fair deal is this?

I didn’t always have all those suspicions about God.  It started when I was young.  My parents got divorced and I prayed to someone I thought I could trust was on my side that my Father would return and I could go back to doing what I wanted to do.  I can’t say what it was I used to do as I was a kid, And a kids mind jumps all over the place, all the time.

Side note: when your talking to a young child and ask them something along the lines of “Why did you?....What were you thinking?....”  trust me.  While they are looking at the floor they are thinking furiously and still give you the honest answer.  “I don’t know”.  They really don’t.  It’s just the way kids are. 

At any rate.  I decided that if God wasn’t going to come through for me I’d just pout and stay mad at him for LIFE!  That too is the way kids are. J

Tomorrow’s gripping, or griping installment continues depending on how you look at things.

Be well.

A day in the life

This was a fairly typical day for me.  I started at Pasadena Sr. Center to have a short training session with my friend Kay on installing the VITA software.  Of course the needed software for the session was no where to be seen. 

It was also the start of the new semester and there were issues with the class room.  2 students USB drives could not be written to.  Taking the drives to another workstation I backed up formatted and then replaced the data files, about an hour of this.  Another instructor from a different center stopped by and wanted a HD formatted and have XP installed on it.  So.. I put the drive in a spare workstation formatted and installed Win XP. 

While these things are going on I got a call from K asking how to access one of the VITA laptops from O'Malley.  From O'Malley?  O'Malley doesn't have any VITA laptops this year.  They are using all standard workstations????  Now I'm all sorts of confused.  A completely normal situation for me.  G

But, I got it all done.  Well, accept for the one thing I was expecting to do today which was to show Kay about installed the software we can't find.

It seems a fair number of my days end up along these same lines. 

Well, if nothing else it allows me to enhance my skills in practicing patience. 

Oh!  Found Samosa's at Giant today!  Oh wondrous food of the heavens!  I usually can only find them at a few India restaurants in the area. They are pictured above.

The URL is    http://www.amys.com/index.php

Mondays

Well, back to work today.  Bit of  a slow start.  I still want to be on vacation down in FL with my family.  I had such a wonderful time re-getting to know them.  As we go along you may note that I'm rather inordinately proud of all my family members.  A truly remarkable group of folks.

Not much doing today with work.  Installed 3 systems for some new users.  Unfortunately I arrived at the same time as the cabling folks.  So while the systems are there they are useless until I can get them a connection.

The guys told me they'd be done maybe tomorrow.  I'm going to give it till Thurs and be there as the staff is coming in so I can find out about any special software or configurations they my want.

Oh well, more tomorrow if I remember.

Be well,

John.

Humm...

Reviewing this first post I note that my [ and my Grin and Evil grin] didn't come out. Perhaps the internet has passed me in both lanes once again. Let me see how this turns out. Umm...still not showing up. Ok. G is for Grin and EG is for Evil Grin then. Not sure why it doesn't like the more than and less than signs, but it's of no matter.

John.

Initial thoughts

Yeah...like I have so very many.

Oh, I suppose I should explain a few things first. That thing up there is a notation that was used back before we had all the cute little :) ?) :P) ;) and the like emotcons I think they are called. Anyway. stands for There are may others but those are the two I most often use.

Oh yes the uge to the left is me. You can just call me John.

So what is this blog all about? To tell you the truth I don't know just yet. I love reading my Father's blog www.cowart.info and I've seen how many lives he's touched with his words. My Brother Donald also has a blog http://www.rdex.net/site/

Mostly this blog will be about my experiences in this life. My interactions with family and friends and a bit of the God stuff which is a focal point for me.

I'm 48 years 49 on the 14th of this month. I suppose it's about time I start growing up and doing something useful with my life...umm...well...maybe soon anyway.

I've no idea how often I'll be updating this. I'd like to tell myself at least once every day...every couple of days maybe? Well, I'll do what I do and we'll see what happens.

Blessed be world.

John.