Who is this God fellow folks talk about? Cont

So, I was pissed at God.  Mostly likely blasphemous or at the least heretical.  But we feel what we feel when we're being honest about things.

Seems at various times in my life I've been pissed at God, cussed him out.  Even called him out.  Though what I'd do if he were to take up the gauntlet I have no idea.  I've actually found the freedom to be angry with God quite a balm for things.  I found that it's ok to do so.  I'm not certain he understands anger in the way we do and it surely never seems of have bothered him in the least.  So?  Who better to vent at than someone who doesn't get offended is always patient and who doesn't get drawn into your own little dramas? 

He's certainly big enough to take it.

 As I grew up I found that it was quite helpful and in my own albeit strange way as it was something that connected me to God. 

You don't get made at a rock.  It's just a rock.  You only can get a really good mad on at a person.  So I discovered that God was a person.  A person I could talk to.  So after a time instead of blaming him I just started talking to him (I have no idea what actual sex God is.  I rather think God does not have a sex as a human would think of it.  But it's easier to call God a him from my internal referance points.)

The more I talked to God the more interested I became in how we talk to God.  I figured there had to be a better way than yelling at the sky. 

Then I moved to FL when I was 15/16 or so from MD where I lived with my Mother and Brother.  I moved down to live in my Father's house and with his family.  I quickly saw some things that changed the very basis for my earlier mistaken anger with God. 

I saw a man who was happy, truly and abidingly happy with his life, his wife and his family.  He'd married a wonderful woman Virginia or Ginny as he most often calls her.  I seldom knew just what to say to her.  It was so very obvious that she made my Dad happy and he made her happy.  But what was I to her or her to me?  What where we supposed to be to one another?  I had no idea?  Mom?  Mom II?  Mom Alt?  Virginia?  Not Ginny!  That would have been a bit too weird for me.  Mostly I avoided calling her by name when possible.  Years later I settled on Mom.  I think it only took me about another 20 years to come up with that bit of brilliance.

And I could see they were fitted for one another.  Their children also were amazing to me.  They were all well loved, well cared for and happy. 


So...then I had to get to thinking again.  Why didn't God bring my Father back?  It dawned on me that maybe some of the other things I'd heard about God were true and not just the big spy who was lurking in the bushes waiting to judge me and send me to hell. 

Could it be?  There surely looked like there was some sort of plan involved here.  Some bigger picture that I'd not seen before?  Was that possible?  Could God be that smart? 

I don't know....I was a Teenager after all, not some kid!  LOL

I eventually concluded that there had to be a plan involved here that I'd just not seen.  I choose to leave it at that.  Because obviously it should have been cleared with Me first.  But I'd be magnanimous and let God slide this time.

Now I had more information to process.  God is a person and makes plans (very big long term plans.)  So, what to do with this information?  Study him and his ways I decided.  Find out just how and where this person would fit into my life.  

More meandering thoughts tomorrow.

Be well.

Who is this God fellow folks talk about?

I wondered that for a long time.  He or It is all knowing, all seeing, always present.  And I'm told he'll send me into the pit if I don't do what he wants.


Sort of sounds like Santa Clause without the cheerful disposition doesn't he? 

Now why is he spying on me?  Watching everything I do, even invading my thoughts!  And he's everywhere so I have no possibility of evasion or escape from him.  And then, after all this spying he’s going to judge me and send me to hell?

Geez!  What a grouch!  I’ve never done a thing to him!  Or have I?

I’m told that “We” the collective we of mankind sort of beat the living hell out of his son and then strung him out to dry like a piece of beef jerky.  But as I recall he won that round as well.  Christ rose from the dead and then got a free ride into the sky and home.

I can’t say I’ve ever felt particularly guilty over the whole thing in any sort of personal way.  So why all this spying and judgment and sending me to hell?  That, I’d have to say I do rather take a bit personally. 

Oh, I see I forgot one of the ALLS up top there.  He’s All powerful as well.  What sort of a fair deal is this?

I didn’t always have all those suspicions about God.  It started when I was young.  My parents got divorced and I prayed to someone I thought I could trust was on my side that my Father would return and I could go back to doing what I wanted to do.  I can’t say what it was I used to do as I was a kid, And a kids mind jumps all over the place, all the time.

Side note: when your talking to a young child and ask them something along the lines of “Why did you?....What were you thinking?....”  trust me.  While they are looking at the floor they are thinking furiously and still give you the honest answer.  “I don’t know”.  They really don’t.  It’s just the way kids are. 

At any rate.  I decided that if God wasn’t going to come through for me I’d just pout and stay mad at him for LIFE!  That too is the way kids are. J

Tomorrow’s gripping, or griping installment continues depending on how you look at things.

Be well.

A day in the life

This was a fairly typical day for me.  I started at Pasadena Sr. Center to have a short training session with my friend Kay on installing the VITA software.  Of course the needed software for the session was no where to be seen. 

It was also the start of the new semester and there were issues with the class room.  2 students USB drives could not be written to.  Taking the drives to another workstation I backed up formatted and then replaced the data files, about an hour of this.  Another instructor from a different center stopped by and wanted a HD formatted and have XP installed on it.  So.. I put the drive in a spare workstation formatted and installed Win XP. 

While these things are going on I got a call from K asking how to access one of the VITA laptops from O'Malley.  From O'Malley?  O'Malley doesn't have any VITA laptops this year.  They are using all standard workstations????  Now I'm all sorts of confused.  A completely normal situation for me.  G

But, I got it all done.  Well, accept for the one thing I was expecting to do today which was to show Kay about installed the software we can't find.

It seems a fair number of my days end up along these same lines. 

Well, if nothing else it allows me to enhance my skills in practicing patience. 

Oh!  Found Samosa's at Giant today!  Oh wondrous food of the heavens!  I usually can only find them at a few India restaurants in the area. They are pictured above.

The URL is    http://www.amys.com/index.php

Mondays

Well, back to work today.  Bit of  a slow start.  I still want to be on vacation down in FL with my family.  I had such a wonderful time re-getting to know them.  As we go along you may note that I'm rather inordinately proud of all my family members.  A truly remarkable group of folks.

Not much doing today with work.  Installed 3 systems for some new users.  Unfortunately I arrived at the same time as the cabling folks.  So while the systems are there they are useless until I can get them a connection.

The guys told me they'd be done maybe tomorrow.  I'm going to give it till Thurs and be there as the staff is coming in so I can find out about any special software or configurations they my want.

Oh well, more tomorrow if I remember.

Be well,

John.

Humm...

Reviewing this first post I note that my [ and my Grin and Evil grin] didn't come out. Perhaps the internet has passed me in both lanes once again. Let me see how this turns out. Umm...still not showing up. Ok. G is for Grin and EG is for Evil Grin then. Not sure why it doesn't like the more than and less than signs, but it's of no matter.

John.

Initial thoughts

Yeah...like I have so very many.

Oh, I suppose I should explain a few things first. That thing up there is a notation that was used back before we had all the cute little :) ?) :P) ;) and the like emotcons I think they are called. Anyway. stands for There are may others but those are the two I most often use.

Oh yes the uge to the left is me. You can just call me John.

So what is this blog all about? To tell you the truth I don't know just yet. I love reading my Father's blog www.cowart.info and I've seen how many lives he's touched with his words. My Brother Donald also has a blog http://www.rdex.net/site/

Mostly this blog will be about my experiences in this life. My interactions with family and friends and a bit of the God stuff which is a focal point for me.

I'm 48 years 49 on the 14th of this month. I suppose it's about time I start growing up and doing something useful with my life...umm...well...maybe soon anyway.

I've no idea how often I'll be updating this. I'd like to tell myself at least once every day...every couple of days maybe? Well, I'll do what I do and we'll see what happens.

Blessed be world.

John.